I'm Back

It's been almost two years since my last post. I did reach some of my goals in 2011. I finished a half marathon and participated in at least one event per month before tearing my hamstring in a spectacularly bad waterskiing outing in August. I was inspired by something or other and decided to take up triathlons this year. I'm kind of ok at it. I finished second in my age group in my second triathlon. the old me would have said, "but it was a really weak field." the new me celebrated that victory (by eating pasta). I am doing another Tri this weekend in Marble Falls. It's a tough sprint - 800m swim, 12 mile bike and 2 mike run. I'm a good swimmer and a decent cyclist, but I suck on the run. So I'm happy about the 2-mile run. I'll write a race report afterward. I'm back because I registered for the Texas Ironman. Two mile swim, 112 mile bike ride and 26 mile run, give or take a tenth of a mile or two. I've never swum two miles, biked 112 miles or run 26 miles. But I'm in the best shape of my life today, and my fitness is only going to get better. That's about it. Oh, and the ass has healed. It took about a year. Take it from me, you don't ever want to break your tailbone. It sucks.

It's Biggest Loser Tuesday, and I'm back. Been watching for about 5 minutes, and I've already cried twice. God I love this show. The season premiere is tonight. It's starting out cruelly - Bob, Ally and Jillian are traveling to several cities, and in each city three people have to compete for two spots on the show. The challenge is easy. The contestants have to do 500 step-ups. The first two people to hit 500 make it on the show, and the third person goes home. It's cruel. They all need the show. The crazy part is that there are about 100 people in the audience, and they're all fat, too. They're bringing out the issues early. I love that. You ain't fat because you eat a lot. You fat because of something going on in your life: the death of your brother, the death of your mom, your kid, your spouse, alcoholism, cruel words from a loved one, cancer, a cheating partner, your own life. What the hell is Bob wearing? Nice sailor hoodie and tight pants. New city, and now they're making the contestants run a mile to compete for the two spots. What a nightmare. I like Tina. She's 58 and 263 pounds. I hope she makes it on the show. Dredlock guy just fell on his face trying to keep Tina from passing him 20 yards from the finish line. That was sad. He's being carried off in an ambulance. Bob just said something I really like: "Your body wants to be healthy." Yeah, well, my body wants peanut butter cookies and sex. What do you think about that, Bob? I think Patrick just showed some ass crack. I didn't need to see that tonight. The old guy was the first to finish the mile in Atlanta, and I think he ran the whole damn way. Good on him. The 400-pounder finished second.

My 2010 personal challenge is on for 2011. My goal is to compete in at least one event per month for each month in 2011 beginning with the Houston Half-Marathon in January and the Austin Half in February. So that's what this blog is going to be about. For the next 15 months, I'll be writing about my 2011 experience. These goals probably sound familiar since I seem to remember writing the same thing this time last year. So here it goes again. I'll discuss my training and the events and the good and the bad and the really, really ugly. I've put together a schedule for 2011 which I'll post one day soon.

Time to finish up The Biggest Loser.

Today is the day of the Houston Half Marathon. I did not run it. Or walk it. Or watch it. My tailbone is still broken and painful. It's been five months. August 16 was the day I last rode my bike or did any meaningful exercise. The weather in Houston is gorgeous today. High 50s/low 60s and sunny. Although I live for hot, sunny humid days, even I have to admit that Houston is at its absolute loveliest on days like this. The weather is perfect for running or walking or riding a bike.

Since moving to Houston six years ago, I've been getting sinus infections 2-3 times per year. 2008 was the worst year. I think I had four of them. Last year was not as bad, I only had two infections. In 2008, my ENT recommended that I have my tonsils removed and deviated septum repaired. He said that removing the tonsils would prevent further infections and repairing my deviated septum would help me breathe better. I finally had the surgery last week. It sucked. Don't do it. At least, don't do both surgeries at the same time. You can't eat any dairy (meaning, NO ICE CREAM!!!) since dairy causes your mucous to thicken. And when your mucous thickens, you can't breathe out of your mouth. But you can't breathe out of your nose either because there are splints the size of no. 2 pencils shoved up there. So you end up choking all night long. Ugh. On the other hand, I lost 10 pounds since the surgery last Monday, so I'd call it a roaring success! The week off work has been nice, too. Anyway, we'll see how it is in a few months. If I don't get a sinus infection this year, it will have been worth it.

There's nothing like a good beating to get you back into shape

It's Biggest Loser Tuesday. Bob got a haircut - he is hawt tonight. I love that the show has a true villain. Tracey. Everyone hates her, and I love it that they hate her so daggum much. One woman just passed out on a treadmill. I think she did it out of sheer hate. She wants to beat Tracey so bad that she has been starving herself. Hate - the ultimate diet. She's ok. When she came to, she had the stink eye. I think she was dreaming about how much she hates Tracey those few minutes she was blacked out. I fully expect Tracey to wake up with a horse's head under the sheets with her one of these days. I freakin' love this show. And as much as I hate Tracey and want her kicked off the show along with the rest of the Losers and America, I think it would be a shame to lose the show's best character this soon.

Tonight was my first weigh-in at Weight Watchers after rejoining last week. I lost six pounds. The meeting leader was a little surprised - when she was handing out the gold star, she said to me, "but it's only your second week." I didn't tell her that I caught a stomach virus and probably lost four of those pounds in a very uncomfortable 12 hour period. I don't feel that much thinner. I expect next week to lose a pound or less. Which is okay. It wasn't my intention to lose 15 pounds in less than a month.

My ass is still broke. It's been 8 weeks, 2 days and 9 hours, give or take a few minutes. It still hurts. The pain is constant but not always terrible. I think I can start running this week. At least I'm going to try. I have 3 months to the half-marathon. I fully expect to walk a big chunk of the race, so I'm not too concerned about finishing. And if all goes well, I'll improve my time substantially when I run the Austin half in February.

WW Redux

It's Biggest Loser Tuesday, 7 weeks and 2 days since I broke my ass. I weighed-in at 185 pounds today. And I'm freakin' miserable. My brokeass hurts as bad today as it did the day I broke it. I don't know if I'm doing something to make it worse - sitting, driving, walking, moving? I went back to Weight Watchers this evening for the first time in about 4 years. I've been pigging out, and I need WW to help me put an end to it. I'm not a "fat" person, that is to say, I think I look pretty average-sized. But I feel miserable. I hate carrying this weight.

So, this is probably the lamest unread blog on the internets. I intended to share my training stories and my experiences as I compete in one event each month in 2010. Instead of training, I've been whining about my broken tailbone. I have nothing else to say tonight.

It's Biggest Loser Tuesday. Bob's got some new bling on his left ring finger. It's so big Liberace would blush. Definitely not a wedding ring. The guy who looks like Julia Childe just said, "I want to take a cupcake and rub it all over my body." Not sure how I feel about that. I've never had a food/sex thing. I wonder if the bigger people on the show resent the less big people. I love when Bob and Jillian cuss out the contestants (which occurs at least 5 times each episode). I wish I could do that to my coworkers and the people in line in front of me at Kroger who don't tell the cashier that they want to buy cigarettes until the cashier has finished swiping all of their groceries. Jillian just screamed at a contestant "I think you're full of shit!" You know, the contestant is a wife and a mom and probably arranges flowers on the alter at her church every Sunday morning. I don't disagree with Jillian - I, too, think the woman is full of shit - but I'd probably deliver the message a little more delicately. One of the contestants has lost 54 pounds in the first 3 weeks.

It's been 6 weeks and 2 days since I broke my ass. That's 44 days for those of you keeping track at home. I've done nothing but watch TV and eat and drink and complain for 44 days. I stepped on the scale this morning and was a heavy 185. My clothes fit well when I'm at 172 (and I'm talking about the important clothes like my skinny jeans). Right now all of my clothes are tight. Let me rephrase that. The clothes I can actually get on are tight. The rest of them are just hanging out in the closet, mocking me. My tailbone still hurts. But it's not a constant pain - I just feel it when I sit on it wrong or move too quickly. I'm dying to get back on my bike, but it still feels like it's weeks away.

Do you ever worry when you see people bending over that they're going to rip one? I don't know why that makes me so nervous. There are a lot of people bending over on The Biggest Loser. I keep waiting for it. I had a professor in law school who dropped his chalk at least 5 times each class. He always bent over at the waist. It made me so nervous.

Well, this blog still isn't about my training. I feel compelled to write, but only because I like to write. I used to be a good writer. I don't think I'm a good writer anymore, but at least I'm writing even if no one is reading it.

Brokeass Houston

It's official. I broke my ass. It's been 5 weeks and 2 days since my bike accident, and I finally went to the doctor today. Your tailbone is supposed to point straight down. My tailbone now points forward. The doctor was as nice as can be. He told me to pull my pants down and lay facedown on a table. I said, "but we just met." He ignored me and got down to business. After feeling me up (it's the most action I've gotten in months), he told me he'd give me a shot that would ease the pain and help the healing. Ok. Then he left the room with me lying there, ass in the air, for what felt like an hour. Do you pull your pants up and get off the table? Or do you just wait, ass in the air with goosebumps on it because the room is so damned cold? I don't know! So I just waited. I tend to laugh in situations like this, and I couldn't stop laughing. When he did come back, the laughing stopped. He told me he'd be giving me a shot where the break is. I gripped the table and bit my tongue as he went at it. It hurt like a mofo. Like a MOFO I tell youI never want a shot there again. And I really don't want surgery, so I'm going to do as he said, take my meds and sit on my donut until it heals.

Anyway, I'm watching the Biggest Loser tonight. The 2nd challenge was a group challenge which the contestants won. The reward was that each contestant gets to call home. I ain't never seen so much blubbering in my life. If the fridge on the ranch were full of ice cream, it would have gotten ugly. A bunch of emotional wrecks, and all they have to eat are carrot sticks and celery. I'd be hunting for a snickers bar - you know someone smuggled in a snichers or at least some M&M. The show started off well. The contestants discussed what it was like to have voted a person off last week. They are still in the stage where they aren't thinking of the game as a game - it's still just about the weight loss to them. This week, though, the're digging up emotions. You eat because you're sad or hurt or angry or abandoned. The show asks why and how do you stop. We've been reminded several times that Week 2 is traditionally the week where the contestants lose the least amount of weight. You hit a big number during Week 1, and according to Bob and Jillian, it's physically impossible to duplicate those results. The first two contestants weighed in - 4 pounds and 6 pounds. Two weeks ago if they'd lost 4 or 6 pounds, they'd be celebrating. Now, it's a huge disappointment. The group has to lose 115 pounds between the 15 of them. If they succeed, no one goes home. If they fail, two people go home. It's 8:45 and there are several more people to weigh-in, so there's no way they're going to weigh everybody, go through the vote and kick 2 people off by 9:00. So I think they made it. They made it. They lost 155 pounds.

Back to me and my brokebutt. Training is still on hold for another few weeks at a minimum. But I'm trying to keep my chin up (or chins - I've gained about 8 pounds since the accident!). I still think I can make my goal of one event per month next year. If I'm running by mid-October, that'll give me 3 months to train for the half-marathon. It's doable (I think), but it's not going to be a pretty run. The scary/funny thing is that I can't wait to get back on my bike. I miss the hell out of riding, and the season is right. Sunny, warm days are on tap for the next few months in Houston. It's a great time to be in Houston, although I think the summers are just as great (I like the heat). That's about it. Eventually, I'll start posting about training and events and my fitness quest. Hope soon. I'm tired of this broke ass.